I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
