Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My dad just said "fuck circus"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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