I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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