can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize