i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
