I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
