I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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