Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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