I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
