We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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