the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
