She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking