Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you win again, gameday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
