They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
17 Guys Share When Their Parents Found Their Porn Stash
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.