I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week