Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
