I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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