i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
