i just had sex bonerless
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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