I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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