Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
