mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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