I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
this boner is exhausting
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
