I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I got her a Nickelback box set.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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