i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
