Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I looked at my own cervix.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
