can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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