I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
