Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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