One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
