I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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