I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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