you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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