he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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