I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
