idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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