there's paper in my vomit.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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