Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize