You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize