It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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