what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
