My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
