Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
