Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
