i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
