so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
