ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
