The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
