tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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