did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
