cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
