He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
