Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
