it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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