drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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