i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
