My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
