If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
