Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
