Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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