It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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