So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
