He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
