so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
