Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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