If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
