Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
sex in a hospital.. check
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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