How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
