Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
