I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
