Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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