so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You need Xanax blowdarts
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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