guys are not supposed to queef...right?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
