WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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