I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
